Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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