Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
