i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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