I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
