No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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