This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
