k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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