Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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