He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
