so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
