Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize