his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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