I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize