He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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