There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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