So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize