Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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