Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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