im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
