Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
