Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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