i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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