yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize