you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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