Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
