Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
