i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
