i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
