Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
