her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
