I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
