whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
