Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
