it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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