Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
youre lurking in front of me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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