I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
