are you so shy because you have an std?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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