On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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