White coat. Heels.
You're my little dorito
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
