I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
