is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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