What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think your dad took our porno
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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