Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
