Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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