Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
vagina is talking i cant
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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