Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
