Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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