Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
