Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
