i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
