dude i'm inner monologue high
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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