I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
