I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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