ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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