he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
