I just gift wrapped bread.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize