Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
