5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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