Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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