I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
