she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
