I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it penis luge time yet?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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