a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
