Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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