all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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