If i come over, it means nothing
My pussy is not your playground.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
