what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
